Why would a narcissist let you ignore him
Answers:
He probably wants to call and contact you but absolutely will not crumble and make the first move. I broke up with my N in November. We ended on a bad note. I tried to make peace but it didn't work so I just gave up. Since then....he has done a couple ridiculous things to get my attention but he has not directly contacted me. They are ridiculous people ! It's quite amusing actually....
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Well, the abovementioned answers are very interesting. Having not given into the "N" in my life, he has disappeared. Out for new supply. I'm sure. But I'm also aware he'll be back. What's the best way to handle the next contact? Ignore? Or just slowly and carefully move away. Say, love to catch up but...or something like that? I feel ignoring them will hurt them but also enrage them and somewhat satisfy them. ie hah she's annoyed because...(they love that). So how to heal and get rid of them once and for all? It's hard for an intellegent women to overcome and move on from something like this. It works against our normal grain. How can this happen to me? I guess forgiving ourselves is key.Answer
He has another source of supply and doesn't need you as a source any longer (especially since you have become a source of narcissistic injury - negative supply).
There are many types of sources of narcissistic supply - females are only one of them. Career, material possessions, celebrity, friends, even pets - are ample sources of supply.
But I think that he has another female as a source of supply.
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As with any form of disengagement, with time you should both be learning independent ways to meet your needs.Answer
Narcissists are very difficult to "know" and to predict - unless you have spent the big part of your life studying them and their victims. That's precisely why they have a constant supply of victims - they are "not fully human" and thus not fully knowable.Answer
A narcissist would let you ignore them because they do not want you anymore-its hard for them to actually let go of you forver-expect a phonecall etc six months later-but act nonchalent-if you let on that you still may love them etc, then they know that they can use you when they feel like it. As a narcisstist myself, i had to to have at least 3 male admirirers all the time-the love and attention off only one man wasnt good enough for me, i ahd to have the assurance that i was desirable to all men. i find it tempting to text an old lover, to see how they are, even though i ruined their confidence-an im still trying to stop myself accepting that im being ignored. to be honest, ignorance is the best remedy against a narcissit. n-addict.Answer
To the narcassist women who posted here above. Just remember this okay...victims do move on and just because your a narcasisst does not mean that this man or men sit and think of you...my guess is they have found real women and long forgot all about you. I know your an Narcasisist and that is painfull for you to hear but its the truth. Victims don't think back fondly of these types of parasites. I hope you get professional help. Best Wishes. Many reasons. Could be he has found another victim. Could be he wants you to beg and is showing you that you ignoring him does not bother him. Remember these types are about control cause they know they are useless. Could be he is trying to figure out what would bother you and its working. Your bothered by him not being bothered by ignroing you. These losers love games. Have nothing to do with him.ANSWER
The remark above about how he could be hoping you beg him really resonates with my experience. Some of these people play a very hard game and are willing to wait, especially if they have some other source of supply currently going on. And according to Sam, they always have alternative sources ready. The new source may not be in your category; i.e., could be a new activity, and new lover of a different sexual orientation and therefore exciting (also dangerous), involvement in professional goals, etc. Maybe he wants you to be "on the shelf" but still available if/when he wants you. I understand that is often their behavior. Be alert and don't be surprised if he contacts you when you are not expecting it. Have your attitude ready and be primed to slide out of this thing again--he'll be even more hurtful and dangerous next time. GeorgetteANSWER
hey i would just like to add an answer....im only 22 years old&this is quite hard4 me 2 talk about as i am just gettin over this mess at present. For 9 months i let this person rule me he has ruined my life completely....whilst with him i would cry every day.... he tryed to control me and i think eventually got frustrated when there were things i just wouldn't do for him..... he found anything to argue about and hated to c me happy i would spend all day cheering myself up without him i'd see my friends etc.. then he'd make me miserable in seconds.. this is where the real mess began though......we would see less and less of eachova...i kicked him out i then forgave him stupidly& met up but i got up and left the place we were at he came back the next day and then left... didnt come back punished me for a futher week... he then got in touch but as i learnt with these people if u do not answer right away or if u question what they have just done they are off.... he then said he would never ever get back with me i did not get closure for a while i did nothing wrong....i got my reasons the only thing he could say was because you are never happy&you wouldn't do this&this......
THIS IS CURRENTLY HAPPENNING WITH ME,HE TOLD ME AFTER ASKING ME TO GO STAY WITH HIM FOR 3 MONTHS IN THE USA I LIVE IN HOLLAND,I TRAVELLED 10.000 MILES,I GOT THERE WE HAD SEX TWICE,HE TOLD ME HE WASNT ATRACTED TO ME ANYMORE,BUT HE WOULD LIKE ME TO STAY,AS A FRIEND AND THE HE IGNORED ME COMPLETELY,WAS ALWAYS GAMING,ON THE WEEKENDS FOR 13 HOURS, HE NEVER TOUCHED ME,ONLY WHEN HE FELT LIKE A LITTLE HUG,I COULD ONLY TALK WHEN HE FELT LIKE,I WAS SELFISH,ACTING LIKE A MAD CHILD IF I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO GO BACK HOME!TILL I COULDNT TAKE ANYMORE OF HIS SILENCE TREATMENT,PUSH AND PULL GAMES,TELLING ME THA HAVING SEX WITH ME WAS GROSS,SO I LEFT AND THEN HE TOLD ME HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME ANYMORE, NO PHONE CALLS,NO EMAILS,BUT HE DID SENT ME EMAILS SAYNG HE THINKS ABOUT ME ,BUT HE DOESNT WANT ME TO CONTACT HIM ANYMORE,I CALLED HIM,I AM VERY CONFUSED,I ASKED HIM IF HE IS SEEING SOMEBODY OR TALKING TO SOMEBODY ON THE NET,HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER TELL ME AND THEN HE ASKED ME IF I THINK HE WAS NEEDY! I AM DEVASTED,HE KEPT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS,WITH A LOT PUSH AND PULL GAMES,I AM TIRED,SAD,I AM 51 YEARS OLD AND HE IS 42 FATHER OF 3,THIS ALL STARTED AFTER HE TOLD ME HE WAS DEPRESSED BECAUSE HIS EX DIDNT COMMUNICATED WITH HIM AND HE WAS LEAVING HER BECAUSE HE COULDNT LIVE LIKE THAT ANYMORE,HE WAS DEPRESSED AND LONELY,AND I FELT SORRY FOR HIM,HE IS A VERY INTELLIGENT,SCARY INDIVIDUAL,HE DESTROYED MY LIFE AND HE DONT CARE ABOUT NOBODY,ONLY HIMSELF,I ONLY DISCOVERED THIS SITE RECENTLY,AND NOW I KNOW IS NOT MY FAULT LIKE HE SAID IT WAS~
- It is not your fault. The narcisssit is all about self-aggrandizement. We are only tools in the toolkit to shine light on them. However, they are energy sumps -- energy vampires -- so they can never be full. They are very lacking, so they collect things an people, and wear them like medals.
- There are often other variations to the narcissist, making each case unique. The one steady is, you feel drained and bad because they are reinforcing that message.
- With me, I was not adventuresome enough in sex, too insubordinate, too discontent, too something. There is no acceptance from this sort, who does not even accept himself.
- Look to run an emotional treadmill in his presence.
I too broke up badly with my text book N after the relationship (I use that word advisedly) ended - for what seemed the 10th and final time. I tried being nice after we ended (even though it was her decision) as our paths crossed socially and we have mutual friends, but she wasn't reciprocal, so I moved on. This always enrages an N, as they still want you to feel they are the centre of your life.
After a few weeks, she made conversation with me and told me what turned out to be a complete pack of lies, that she was happy and with someone new and they were so much better than me etc. She was doing her typical N thing of trying to hurt me, but made herself look foolish and our friends told me her mistruths and infact, had told a friend she still was in love with me! N's tend to be commitment phobic, so the moment they get back with you, they get 'scared' and then sabotage the 'relationship'. They split up with you, then want you back, then... You get the picture.
I studied via friends in mental health and on internet sites even while we were together, as it was clear that she had NPD, so knowledge is indeed power. I found out I seemed a classic co-dependent, which I knew nothing about. I avoided her for a few months, as she would just want to cause an arguement out of nothing as she had done in the past and I thought this would be the best policy. This usually causes more enragement unless a new (or 'improved') source of supply is available to the N, which I believe there wasn't.
However, she eventually caught up with me much to my displeasure. I knew I was in trouble. After being rather nice - a classic N tactic of softening up before the kill- an unprovoked attack started two or three times, plus other friends were insulted to boot. As a result, I reported her to her employers as I'm one of their clients, and as a result, she is no longer allowed to contact me. Ever. N's are very sensitive to personal criticism and I believe the reprimand went down badly, as she probably thought she had done nothing wrong.
My advice, as hard as it is, is to forget all about the N. If they contact you, don't reply in any form. As everyone who has been in a relationship with an N, it is an emotionally demoralising and draining experience which can be damaging to your mental health. The idealisation/devaluation was soul destroying. My N was my best friend too, but I was just supply. That's how I now look at things. Don't give them and inch and anyone going or has gone through problems with an N has my utmost sympathy. They will never change.
Hi,
If this is in the early stages of your relationship "GET OUT NOW"!!!.
I have being seeing a N on n off for nearly six years :(, unfortunately I never knew he was one till recently, just thought he was a control freak with isssues.
In the beginning( 1st 4 months) he was great, text all time, called, always coming round, was bit annoying, but I thought he was really into me. Then the cracks started to appear in his personality..mind games, starting rows for no reason, if I cried it didn't bother him, I tried to reason with him, but he had no empathy for my feelings. Basically, the N does not care about your feelings, coz he lacks empathy, thus he can happily ignore you and your feelings with ease. However, when it suits he'll be back, as my N did, many times. If you show the N any emotions it will give them the strength and power they desire..like someone previously said, they are like vampires. I have found my N to lie, yet he see's no wrong in that and twists things to make it look like its my fault, ignores me for weeks, quite happily, if I called he'd put phone down, again and again etc..be nasty. Narcs use you for their own personal gain, they will constantly hunt for victims to replace you, and come back if it doesn't work out. The N will never change, you can't help them, unless they see they have a problem, but they won't as they will blame you for the way they behave. If you stay, play them at their own game, they hate that, saps their energy. Otherwise move on, as I'm trying to do and find a nice partner, who respects you and doesn't play games. Good luck!!
ad
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